One week ago today, I took my little girl to college. I had so many mix emotions on how I would respond. For two weeks she and I had not seen eye to eye on anything. Everything I did was wrong and everything she did upset me. Getting her off to college was no easy task. We left home late, my sister's breaks on her car locked up and it took three hours to get us back on our way. As we sat on I-16 head towards Savannah, I keep trying not to cry, trying to stay focused on the goal. Yet, every time I looked at Courtney some memory of a little girl kept rushing through my brain. We started on our way and my mind became preoccupied with getting to Savannah State University. As we finally arrived on the campus, we could very well tell that orientation for the day was over. We were pleased to find out that she did not miss much and could continue participating. We went to her dorm got her room assignment, unpack and went off to eat. It is amazing that she is not the little girl that I imagine, not the little girl who at six and seven years old, would lay down beside me and sleep for hours. Not even the little girl who would ride along beside me looking up in the sun roof of the car saying,"Mommie, look at the clouds, look at the clouds." She has actually became an independent young lady who was eager to test the water that life is now serving her. I sometimes don't want to let go, and each time that I do she always reminds me that, she is not a little girl. I always have to remind her that she is and always will be, I am willing to give her the space she needs to grow, but I will never completely let go. Courtney is my one and only daughter and I pride myself on knowing what this young lady will do with the life that God has so gracious lent to her. I am here sweet heart and I pray for you daily, no matter what I have ever said to you, YOU BRING ME JOY.

Free

I peeled away the masks that I have hidden behind for years
The mask of guilt,
The mask of shame,
The mask of fear
The mask of pain
I need you to see me for who I really am
My dreams
My goals
The inner part of me
My soul so desperately seeks
Peace and tranquility
I peel away all the things that I have never desired to be
I take a deep breath …I realize I am free
I am free.

TO MY BABY GIRL WITH LOVE II

It seems like yesterday I laid in the hospital bed for two weeks anticipating the birth of my child. I had gone into premature labor and the doctor decided that my baby needed more time to develop.One thing is for sure when my baby decided that she was ready to make her entrance into the world, she came with flying colors.I'll always remember how eager her daddy was as he laid next to me in the hospital bed holding my stomach. I remember me elbowing him to wake up because my water had broken and he needed to get the nurse. It was so chaotic that morning. He was more nervous than I was. As they took me into labor and delivery, he walked right beside the bed holding my hand. Every time I experienced one of those labor cramps I held onto his hand for dear life. My labor was not long at all, I was blessed with a beautiful little girl. Today I recollect that day because my little baby is no longer a little baby, she is a young lady. She graduate from high school on Saturday, her birthday is on June 1, she will be going off to college soon and God knows I will miss my baby girl.
How do you tell your child to go and not to look back, you want her to see life through her own eyes and you want her to always remember the bridges that brought her over.
I want her to go and never look back because as I look back over my life I have so many regrets, yet I am whole. I want her to know that there is more to life than staying in her hometown, that she is the person to make the final decision about the choices that will arise, and most of all that she will never find love in someone else until she loves herself completely. I love her so, her smile, her personality, her heart; there is so much to love about her that to name it all. I look back at some of the times that I could have done things differently and I desire to see her reach for every little thing that inspires her heart.

If my baby girl is able to see things through her own eyes, when she does take the time to look back over her life, she will not regret the choices that she makes because she will have made the decisions on her own.
Graduation has brought on so many thoughts and so many plans, I know that God will guide my princess to her destination with dignity. I look forward to seeing the woman that you will become to Courtney Simone Rhynes with love.

I know that has to be some sisters and some brothers who have given everything they have inside of them to better a relationship, only to find that the love has diminished, the trust has whither and there is not enough love left inside of you to even try to make it right. I mean face it, after you given up everything to please someone else, when reality sets in there is absolutely nothing left to give. So what do you do when the love that you thought would last a life time turn into the nightmare you wished you had never found. Do you turn and walk away? Do you continue to think in your mind that things are going to get better? Do you sit and talk hoping that something in the same words you have spoken over and over again will make a difference. Is it that hard to give up what you know is not good for you? I would not be the person to give that advice to my best friend, but I will say this never stay where you are not 100% free to be yourself, never allow anyone to rip your soul from you. You are a child of god and he gives you the sense to know when the time has come to release your problems, people and situations back to him. Remember no matter how much we won't to love someone to death, don't allow that love to be the death of you.

Standing in the Need of Prayer

I always thought once we close a chapter in our lives that chapter would have an end. Recently, I have been faced with the challenge of going back to a chapter in my life that has long been over. For me, it has been challenging because it was a chapter that I did not want to close, yet, when I closed it I knew in my heart that it had to be that way. I always felt that when the time was right, I would be able to face this part of my life. Now for the first time in over seventeen years the reality of this situation is starring me in the face. I don't know whether to run away from it or to run directly towards it. Yet, what I do know is that this thing must be dealt with, otherwise, I will never know the truth about whether the roads that I have travel are my choices are or they in fact the path that God would have for me. For me this is hard because I have never been in a position to make choices that would directly affect the lives of others. Therefore, I want to be absolutely sure that if I make the right or wrong choice I will be ready and willing to deal with what comes next. I ask for your prayers for this a New Year, last year was trying and tested my faith. I am in need of guidance from God. I trust in Him and know that God has a will for my life, I also know that there have been times in my life when I choose my own path. I have grown and matured away from wanting what I want. As I travel on this journey and face situations in my life that I thought were apart of my past, I am asking those who truly know and have faith in God to pray with me for direction and most of all pray with me as I make choices in my life that will not only affect me, but will be life changing for everyone that I love. I claim the victory and I know that God's will will reveal itself. I live to please God and I know that "No weapon formed against me shall prosper." Be Blessed and have a wonderful New Year!